American Airlines’ number (1-800-433-7300) is only one number away from a SEX HOTLINE (1-800-633-7300) IM NOT FUCKING KIDDING MY FLIGHT GOT CANCELED SO I HAD TO CALL AMERICAN AIRLINES AND THE LADY WROTE IT SO THE 4 LOOKED LIKE A 6 SO I CALLED IT AND THIS LADY JUST GOES ”MMMMM IVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU IM SO HORNY” IM LIKE IM SHIT THIS ISN’T AMERICAN AIRLINES FUCK
Wait a minute. Am I to understand that in this age of widely available Internet porn, people still use phone sex lines?
The Curiosity Rover has driven 25 miles on Mars, breaking a record set by a Russian rover in 1973. NASA celebrated the milestone by having Curiosity write “Suck it Vlad” in the Martian sand. #TheColbertReport
There’s something in the Wi-Fi. This whole world is swimming in Wi-Fi. We’re living in a Wi-Fi soup. Suppose something got inside it. Suppose there was something living in the wi-fi, harvesting human minds, extracting them. Imagine that. Human souls trapped like flies in the World Wide Web. Stuck forever. Crying out for help.
Isn’t that basically Twitter?
Take a moment to consider the run of poor decisions that are required before you’re being told that you can’t pay guitar with a Beatles cover band when you’re drunk at a Mexican restaurant in Russia. Add all that up together and then consider that this man had access to our deadliest nuclear warheads. #LastWeekTonight
Ronald Reagan: “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”
Bill O’Reilly: “We need to build a Berlin wall along the Mexican border.”
This perfectly encapsulates the ridiculousness of the current immigration debate.